The Beautiful Thin one (labellaflaca) wrote,
The Beautiful Thin one

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Just Stuff ....sorry I got a lil long winded

I know I haven't updated in a long time. I've just been preoccupied with soooooo many things. Mostly bad things but, there really isn't anything I can do to change any of that now. Those of you who know me knows what happened around xmas time and then the whole stupid IP shit. I'm just over it already. Whatever. I just don't wanna hear how I should help myself when I tried and no one cared enough to really help out with it so fuck it. I quit trying.

I got a Cortisone shot in my finger a few days ago and I passed out when they did it. lol It wasn't funny at the time but it really is now. That will teach me to not eat for two days (ok I did eat a lil sat but I purged shhhh) then go and get a shot that hurt like a mofo. lmao

I'm watching Intervention about the Anoretic Kim and a lot of what she says reminds me of me. Like, how I feel. The step dad is an incredible asshole. I wonder if that's how my step dad talks about when I'm not around? Maybe my mom does it too? I know they all hate me. Oh well, whatever. OMGAH hahahaha she won't go cause she doesn't wanna leave her dog and that's what I kept saying lmao! Its not funny really I guess but it is. Cause everyone, well excluding my family cause they think I'm faking my ED (how exactly does one FAKE purging? so fucking stupid!), thought I was nuts for worrying about my dogs wellbeing. Ummm hello that is my baby and no one here loves her like me. She'd never understand why I left her for 1-3months either. She would just feel abandoned and that worried me. Oh wells doesn't matter anyway cause I can't go now even if I wanted. Too bad.

Now if they will just leave me alone about getting help since everyone knows I cannnnnot do IP. Unless they wanna fork over the dough for it they can all just kiss my big fat ass.

Sommmmme people keep saying I should try group therapy cause its cheap-free. Ummm hello idiots I have social anxiety! How will being in a room full of skinny bitches help me? It WON'T! So STFU about that already.

My daughter told my mother in law she didn't go to school monday cause she couldn't get me to wake up. Its not that I COULDN'T, it was more like, I saw no point in it when she was only gonna be there for a couple of hrs anyhow. Not the hubby is uber pist. Mmmmk *shrugs*

I have a new plan. I have decided to never eat again. Yes I know this never works but, its been working except for a few slips here n there. I am sick of being fat and if I can't have a career and be good at some sort of occupation, I will make my job getting any means possible. I'm engrossing myself fully in it. People may think I'm avoiding or ignoring them but, I'm just concentrating on fixing myself. When every dr you go to tells you you're too fat I guess its time to get proactive about shit. Yep, I'm too fat but, I won't be for long. I've felt a change in me. Sort of like some weird light switch going on. This is it. I'm done. I won't be this fat girl anymore. I don't care if I die trying really cause I'm not living now. I'll feel bad for my kids but I'm not doing any of them any good anyway. I'm a terrible mother. I will starve all that away thoug.

Ok I'm falling asleep. I gotta be up in like 2hrs so Imma go to sleep.
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