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The Beautiful Thin one

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Just Stuff ....sorry I got a lil long winded [27 Mar 2007|02:30am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I know I haven't updated in a long time. I've just been preoccupied with soooooo many things. Mostly bad things but, there really isn't anything I can do to change any of that now. Those of you who know me knows what happened around xmas time and then the whole stupid IP shit. I'm just over it already. Whatever. I just don't wanna hear how I should help myself when I tried and no one cared enough to really help out with it so fuck it. I quit trying.

I got a Cortisone shot in my finger a few days ago and I passed out when they did it. lol It wasn't funny at the time but it really is now. That will teach me to not eat for two days (ok I did eat a lil sat but I purged shhhh) then go and get a shot that hurt like a mofo. lmao

blah blah blah ramble ramble....sorry some of this could potentially be triggering. Just thought I'd warn yaCollapse )

Don't leave me Hanging...

Just another reason to HATE</> Nicole Richie! [06 Sep 2006|04:39pm]
[ mood | envious ]

FUCK HER FOR BEING SOOO PERFECT AND BEING WITH NICK LACHEY!!!!!! Even if it was for just one night. I HATE HER! I wish I was her!!!! DAMN HER!

Don't leave me Hanging...

OMG I just had the weirdest dream! [15 May 2006|01:12pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I dreamt my boyfriend from 8th grade had turned into some sorta weird ass hippie guru guy. This guy was so straight laced. He wouldn't even take vitamins unless he knew what the ingredents were in full detail. So I dreamt we were at this place that was supposed to be like a midevil themed dinner theatre type place. There was like this spa nextdoor and he was going for one of his weekly spa treatments. They asked him if he'd like to bring two friends with him to enjoy a day of pampering and he's like "no my deciples don't need it." I think this must have been a cult lol. He wouldn't admit that he was Steven though even though I knew he was. I don't remember what he was calling himself in my dream. He looked like he was trying to be John Lennon lol. I kept asking questions like "did you play sports when you we're young?" Trying to get him to admit who he was. Then I asked him about Pelé because that was his HERO and I knew he couldn't not talk about him! But he didn't say anything. When he did talk he spoke with a faux British accent like Madonna lol. All in all this was one of my more fucked up dreams I think. I wonder what Steven is up to these days for real? I doubt he'd ever talk to me again cause I pissed him off last time we spoke. I always seem to do that :o/ Oh well, such is life.

Don't leave me Hanging...

I'm a horrible person! [24 Apr 2006|03:49am]
[ mood | guilty ]

I was driving home and I hit a raccoon...I can't stop crying. he ran across the road then I though "ok...good....its safely across" then the damn thing ran back into the road and I tried so hard to not hit it. I swerved and slowed down doing everything in my power to not run it over. I risked being rearended by the car behind me by slamming my breaks on trying to avoid ending this poor animals life. it didn't work. I KILLED IT! I'M A FUCKING MURDERER! I feel so awful. I said a blessing for it...I've cried for hours...when will I stop...when will it stop hurting me like I ran over one of my own furry babies??? I feel so terrible!!! why do I have to hurt so much because of this? everyone keeps saying it wasn't my fault BUT IT WAS!!!! I SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER......I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO NOT HIT A LIVING ANIMAL!!!!! I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!!!! :*(

Don't leave me Hanging...

*note to self* [15 Apr 2006|09:01am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

You went for her JOCULAR and she freaked out! No more facetious remarks to her. She can't handle your humor. Viva La Sarcasm!!!!!!!

Don't leave me Hanging...

*sigh* [07 Apr 2006|08:58am]
Sheryl Crow & Sting
"Always On Your Side"

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are we left to wonder, all alone, eternally
But is this how it's really meant to be
No is it how it's really meant to be

Well if they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side
Don't leave me Hanging...

topamax [19 Mar 2006|11:54pm]
I'm taking topamax again. I'm sick of raging all the time and it always seem to help. The only thing is the side effects. Like, I'm turning into a raging idjit haha. I say the completly wrong thing when I mean to say something else. Oh well! I hope I can get more when I run out. I assume I can seeing as someone I know is an endless source. Otherwise I'll have to find 60$ to go see my dr again and beg for samples from her. Booooo for that.
Down side, I'm so very sleepy.
Up side, I'm so not hungry.
I want a cinnamon candy lol
Don't leave me Hanging...

Happy New Year! [02 Jan 2006|03:06pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I'm looking at my new year as a year of change. Whether this is change for the better or change for the worse depends on how you look at it. I REFUSE to be this person I am anymore. I have a goal in mind and I will follow thru! I never follow thru on anything and if I can just achieve ONE FUCKING GOAL in my life I'll be happy. I will not cave to pressures. I will stick to my guns with dogged determination! No one will stop me! I won't listen to people telling me I should do this or that. FUCK THEM! This is my life and I will damn well live it how I want!

2 Happy EndingsDon't leave me Hanging...

Fucked Up Dream [02 Aug 2005|02:12pm]
[ mood | scared ]

I had this really fucked up dream lastnight. I dreamt I was dating Ashton Kutcher (thats weird) and somehow we were in this house and there were all these girls there. They were ranting and raving about how fat they were and crap. Looking in mirrors and asking me for diet tips and shit (why I don't know because I'm a fat ass). Anyway Ashton and I go up to the attic to get away from the girls and there is this big fat guy up there. He has on girls jeans from the 90's and suspenders. The jeans are HUGE but way too small for him. He started talking shit to Ashton and we decided we would just leave but thats when al the running started...I always end up running for my life in my dreams. This guy suddenly turned into some sort of mutant or something. He could like inflate a rubber bubble around his, already too fat self, at will. So he started bouncing. He bounced all over Ashton so many times that I thought he'd break every bone in his body. He tried and tried to get away but with no luck. there were four exits out of this attic but the big fat guy just kept bouncing on Ashton and blocking the exits. He ran and I ran as fast as we possibly could on the unfinished floor but it was hard with nothing solid to get a good footing on. Finally Ashton made it to one of the exits but it opened up to a drop down the center of about 50 flights of stairs. Thats when I woke up. I have no clue if we ever get out or what. It was totally terrifying!

Don't leave me Hanging...

[20 Jul 2005|09:20pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

I had to update my friends list. If I removed you its REALLY not personal. It looked messy to me and most of you have filtered out this name anyhow. I am making these mostly public and whats not public is private and not friends only. I feel bad but I am having an OCD moment. {{{{{{{{{{{I still love you all}}}}}}}}}}} and you can read my important entries in my REAL journal :oD

Don't leave me Hanging...

[20 Jul 2005|08:58pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I decided to delete it all and start over.

Don't leave me Hanging...

Hi [09 May 2004|05:47pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I made this journal to talk about ED shit I can't in my regular journal. I'm starting a new plan since what I've been doing doesn't work. Wish me luck :o)

Don't leave me Hanging...

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